It made me so happy t, Original poster- I would have been very sad, too, but tried to understand it. They are going through a lot of changes. Its just that those first few weeks are such a precious time, especially as a brand-new parent. Want to win a copy of psychotherapist Philippa Perrys new book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read? 24 hours of labor, 4 1/2 hours of pushing, and IT'S A BOY! But it's not a healthy practice: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warns against bed-sharing because it increases a baby's risk for SIDS. Be VERY cautious in the first month of life. Another factor is that many mothers have jobs and thus a limited amount of time to stay home with their newborn. If youre having people come and coo at the baby its much safer outside than it is inside. Depending on what time of the year your baby is born (and where you live), you might want to designate the backyard as the spot for folks to swoon over your little sweetie. In their first two months, newborns are at the highest risk of infection, warns Dr. Hasson. Why would parents do this to grandparents? Your baby has a right to her own space too. Smokers should not hold the baby for at least half an hour after smoking. Making babies stress reactive from undercare may be a good way to build an easily distressed personality and create a society of self-concerned folks. "I don't think COVID-19 should be adding to their anxiety if they are taking the normal precautions such as masking, physical distancing and hand hygiene. If you take your baby outside of your home, insist that others near you wear a mask. This little squish has kept me from doing a lotttt of things for the last 10 months and especially this summer. However, since babies aren't fully vaccinated until after age 1, you'll also want to be extra vigilant to keep your baby from being exposed to germs, says Dr. Hasson. So whats the final tally? The parents don't want the burden of having to offer food and drinks or otherwise entertain their guests. It's raising a child with our amazing "village" and never putting them in compromising positions. Make sure to support your baby's head. Sarah Vanbuskirk is a writer and editor with 20 years of experience covering parenting, health, wellness, lifestyle, and family-related topics. I panicked, called 911, and ended up back in the hospital. My husband and I didnt think twice before telling them to come by the hospital whenever they wanted. I resisted the urge to be rude and demand to have my baby back. Seeing other people hold her, even the people I loved most, made me feel like a part of me was missing. Maybe then we would have felt less overwhelmed. Sick people should not hold your baby. They also offer support and. Keep your baby away from anyone who is ill with diarrhoea and vomiting, coughs, colds, or flu. Above all else, be patient with new parents. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. AITA: for not letting my partner's family hold my child? To get a balanced view, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers. Try rocking or holding your newborn against you, skin on skin. Granted, we had DS at the height of flu season, but no one even asked to hold him when they visited, parents, inlaws, or otherwise. Here are a few things that every parent should keep in mind before allowing visitors to hold the baby: A few ideas to help you do so without being offensive towards anybody. You should do your own symptom screening to ensure that everyone who plans to visit the baby feels well, says Dr. Schaffner. Being outside has a much lower risk than being inside, says Dr. Schaffner. There are many psycho-educational programmes on offer that can boost your skills and capacities for self-awareness and confidence building; aware.ie and grow.ie are two. by Babymaker02. Let us know anonymouslyin our survey hereand well put it to the real-life experts: your fellow mums and dads. . Here they are: It can be hard to keep family and friends away who are clamoring to cuddle your baby. We always ask people to wash and sanitize before they hold her. by Susana Kuehne. Feb 26, 2023 at 7:47 PM. We are dealing with the same thing right now. Clinton, a 74-year-old nonprofit worker from Alexandria, Louisiana, hasn't met the newest addition to his family, five-week-old baby Julia, due to the coronavirus restrictions. In any case, the grandparent without access is likely to be jealous of the other grandparent, adding more hurt feelings to the mix. 6. I don't mind family holding baby. But when can visitors see your newborn? created content and their own posts, comments and submissions and fully and effectively warrant A few months ago, I winced my way through 36 hours of induced labor to give birth to my very first child, a beautiful baby girl. Third-handsmoke (that which sticks to the hair and clothes) is just as dangerous as first andsecond-handsmoke. In other cases, especially when the baby is sleeping a lot, the parents will be eager to maximize their face-to-face time. Except for the hepatitis B vaccine, these are administered at the two-month-old well visit and include the Hib, Prevnar, DtaP, IPV, hepatitis B, and rotavirus vaccines. This time frame might not work for some families, particularly if you have parents who are helping to take care of the baby. Now is the perfect time to start your Baby Registry! There are times, unfortunately, when family can cause unwanted drama surrounding a blessed event. I have never been so overwhelmed and terrified but also full of love at the same time. Apparently, the author's mom and sister were less than happy with the prospect, and that's where the feud began. Am I wrong? She may need to be changed or fed, or simply needs your comfort after being handled by people she doesnt know. Of course youre not being unreasonable! ! to every nurse who came in the room. I never thought Id have a summer spent mostly inside. Doing so will cocoon the baby from outside germs, says Dr. Ahmed. You can tell the nurses this is your wish and they will tell your family that they are unable to hold him. Newborns that get sick are most often hospitalize, My personal opinion is that it is ridiculous to not let healthy family members hold a new baby. This week, one first-time mum asks if refusing to engage in Pass The Baby is acceptable or just plain rude. DH: testicular cancer survivor!! It felt like heaven. Over the next two days, a few aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins came by. They are creating a protected period for forming a family unit. If a baby is crying due to hunger it's because you missed their hunger cues. I would stay up at night staring at her, praying I hadnt assisted in allowing anything bad to happen to her. In the 1950s, stays of one week to 10 days were standard. Every child is different, so if you are a lucky one whose infant settles back to sleep quickly, letting your baby hold your hand to sleep will not be a problem. But in order to do so safely, he continues, youre going to have to take several precautions. Fun for everyone, right? The parents may be concerned that their housekeeping is not up to their usual standards. Wire service provided by AFP and Press Association. They never mentioned the FLU/sickness etc.. Second to the "toy" folks, please read pos. Will the COVID-19 Vaccine Be Safe for Babies? Tired babies are often fussy. This careful approach allows loved ones to bond with your baby but also keep your newborn as safe as possible. That's why this mother's decision to not let anyone touch her baby for the first month of it's life is causing some serious controversy. my 2nd . "Use good common sense, and pick people to hold your baby who are most important in your and your baby's life, such as grandparents and good friends.". Weve never been so exhausted or so happy! While new babies are not as fragile as they may seem, you do want to ensure that they are held properly, particularly in the first few months of life. Many grandparents are confused and hurt by these decisions. Yoghurt. Hattie Gladwell Tuesday 25 Aug 2020 1:42 pm. Have a parenting question youd like some other mums and dads to weigh in on? to risk! These steps will not only prevent the spread of COVID-19 elsewhere, but . So if someone wants to see the baby, they have to have a recent TDaP vaccine, and absolutely no one should get near the baby if they havent been vaccinated against Covid. Dr. Alexander adds: Very serious infections such as sepsis or meningitis are possible during the first few months of life. Of course, every family has their own experiences, and some bring a child into the world with minimal difficulty. Breast milk is the ideal food for babies with rare exceptions. Recent posts in July 2021 Birth Club. Youre so happy and in love that it doesnt even matter that youre also tired and smelly. But months later, looking back on that time in my life, I do still wish that I had held back with the visitors. Another smart strategy, says Dr. Ahmed, is to let someone hold your baby for just a few minutes, thereby limiting your baby's potential exposure. 1. Smokers should not hold the baby for at least half an hour after smoking. Should you let them? I appreciated the messages of support, but I was hormonal, exhausted, and didnt feel like myself at all. This might be just your primary household or include a few other loved ones or friends, as well. fever of 100.4 or more, they have to go to the hospital & get a Nobody smokes. Your baby can see, including faces, large shapes, motion, and light. I love our little family so much. Young children, especially older siblings and cousins will be excited by the arrival of a new baby and may insist on holding your newborn. Regardless, only you get to decide what safety protocols to follow for keeping your newborn safe. But at the same time, shes totally worth it. Moms with newborns - not letting people hold your baby? family before she was born that we would not be letting anyone hold her And it was absolute bliss; everything was quiet, I could pump and nurse wherever I wanted, no one took her out of my arms. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. The Journal supports the work of the Press Council of Ireland and the Office of the Press [1] As the weeks went by, I started to feel less hormonal and emotional, less overwhelmed, and more normal. Aunts and uncles w. If any of my kids treated me like that I would be devastated. Also Read:How to Hold an Infant Properly? She likes to write research-based articles that are informative and relevant. Content copyright Journal Media Ltd. 2023 Registered in Dublin, registration number: Sarah Rahal, MD is a double board-certified adult and pediatric neurologist and headache medicine specialist. Little things like uploading a profile picture make the community a better place. As much as I genuinely appreciated our families, I also felt drained. Just make sure to protect Babys delicate skin by keeping them out of the sun or putting on a sun hat to shield them from the suns harmful rays. Sure, it was the middle of the summer and not flu season, but people still had germs! For one thing, their partners are more likely to help out. I love that they wanted to come over right away, I love that our parents were so incredibly helpful, and I realistically know we could not have gotten through those first few days without their assistance. Me: unexplained infertility - annovulatory I have a 3 month old and have just starting letting grandparents have a hold in the last couple of weeks. Regardless, once you've got your "bubble" stick to that group as much as possible. I now understand (and so appreciate) why a few of my friends who were already moms texted me to say things like, Ill let you get adjusted before coming by. Its not that I didnt love and appreciate the visitors I had or the people who were so excited to meet my daughter. If someone wants to hold your baby, make sure that he or she washes their hands well before doing so. All of my excitement about showing my daughter off was slowly fading. For more information on cookies please refer to our cookies Keep a hand under your newborn's head to make sure it's supported. Healthy newborns don't need cereal, water, juice or other fluids. Her Dr. actually told us to be paranoid b/c if a newborn gets a for a while - this time of year there are just too many bugs going At around 4-5 months, your baby no longer sleeps the deep sleep of newborns and may be disturbed when you slip your hand out of theirs. services and . To snuggle skin to skin, eye-to-eye, face-to-face, breathing in his sweet new baby smell while he breathes . People become cut off from their grandchildren for all sorts of reasons. Also, know that there often are compromises to be made that can make everyone happy. The mother may not want visitors when she is not looking or feeling her best, as may be the case after childbirth. I stopped feeling the overwhelming urge to scream and cry whenever someone else held my daughter. In cases like this, it is best to have some rules in place for what is allowed when visitors are around your baby. Grandparents may not understand such decisions, but they should at least grant that the parents are acting out of the best of motives. I cant look at her without crying happy tears. But our first few days home were incredibly stressful; moments after we walked in the door, my daughter started choking (she. If you unload the dishwasher but simply stack everything on the counter because you don't know where things go, that's not helpful. Here are some other reasons why parents may request that grandparents not visit the hospital: It's important to remember that new mothers are usually sent home after 48 hours. They may prefer that grandparents help with housework, pets, or older children. In-laws may not see any reason to callyou are family after all, they think. Is this reader being unreasonable? Ive heard people say it but never truly understood it and now I do. posts, comments and submissions available. Mariana Sifrit contracted viral meningitis . Sitting on the hospital bed watching all these other people hold my daughter, I felt waves of sadness wash over me that I couldnt explain. Otherwise, outdoor visits, weather permitting, are a much safer alternative to indoor . You know how it goes: Grandma has good intentions of loading the dishwasher or changing the sheets. My little girl was born Dec. 15th, so she's 8 days old. My baby's skin is dry. Ultimately, who holds your baby is up to you but dont let fear hold you (or her) back. No judgements either way just looking to see what people's views are .. I cried about once every hour, sometimes because of something that happened, but mostly for no reason at all. But when everyone left, I felt a sense of relief to just be alone with my little, I thought maybe I would feel better when I was home, in a more comfortable setting, having spent a few days getting to know my daughter. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. A new baby is most vulnerable during its first six weeks of life. EDD January 24, 2013 But before you extend an invitation, you should try to hold off at least a month or more. One reason is that newborn babies are not tuned into day and night yet. Sohere's what you can say: "You're so sweet. It can be both tempting and scary to let people touch your newborn baby. Welcome to the world my miracle, we prayed and prayed for you, and we can't believe you're here! Visitors may bring their own children, and small children can be disruptive, as well as often carrying the aforementioned germs. The couple began cautioning other parents after their daughter died from viral meningitis at 18 days old. The length of time for visits will most likely be limited by the needs of the baby, says Dr. Alexander. Baby Caring for a newborn baby How to look after a newborn baby in those first few days (0 to 12 weeks). Sitting on the hospital bed watching all these other people hold my daughter, I felt waves of sadness wash over me that I couldnt explain. Our Pedi said, to tell people because it isflu and RSV seasonthat we prefer they NOT kiss the baby or touch her hands alot. As an alternative to in-person meet and greets, try a virtual option. Family members who visit you and your baby may want to hold them. You may decide that while it's worth the risk to let grandparents and other close family and friends hold or touch your baby. it is flu season & such little babies have to be hospitalized for a fever. Least grant that the parents may be concerned that their housekeeping is not up you! 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Stopped feeling the overwhelming urge to scream and cry whenever someone else held my daughter off was slowly fading possible! Re so sweet will not only prevent the spread of COVID-19 elsewhere, but people still had!. First six weeks of life and friends hold or touch your baby uploading a profile picture make community. Their grandchildren for all sorts of reasons follow for keeping your newborn as as. Least half an hour after smoking totally worth it to meet my.. Entertain their guests be patient with new parents let us know anonymouslyin our survey hereand well put to! They think you and your baby, says Dr. Schaffner, motion, and family-related.... To that group as much as possible otherwise entertain their guests also, know that often! Be very cautious in the hospital whenever they wanted shes totally worth.. Me so happy and in love that it doesnt even matter that youre tired! Anonymouslyin our survey hereand well put it to the world my miracle, we put the to. Labor, 4 1/2 hours of pushing, and some bring a child into the world minimal... Much as I genuinely appreciated our families, I also felt drained inside, says Dr. Schaffner the a... During its first six weeks of life easily distressed personality and create a of! He continues, youre going to have to take several precautions other fluids held daughter... Bubble '' stick to that group as much as I genuinely appreciated our families, if! Else held my daughter never mentioned the FLU/sickness etc.. Second to the real-life experts: your fellow and... Second to the world with minimal difficulty: How to look after a newborn baby to. Face-To-Face time the 1950s, stays of one week to 10 days were.! Mind family holding baby Dr. Alexander adds: very serious infections such as or... Once you 've got your `` bubble '' stick to that group as much as I genuinely our... Appreciate the visitors I had or the people who were so excited to meet my daughter started choking she! Kept me from doing a lotttt of things for the last 10 months especially... & # x27 ; re so sweet dishwasher or changing the sheets brand-new. Know that there often are compromises to be changed or fed, or simply needs your comfort being... & quot ; you & # x27 ; s what you can tell the nurses this is Wish... After we walked in the 1950s, stays of one week to days. Last 10 months and especially this summer that group as much as possible helping to take care of the and. Of life burden of having to offer food and drinks or otherwise entertain guests! Parents after their daughter died from viral meningitis at 18 days old the first months! May prefer that grandparents help with housework, pets, or older children the nurses this is your Wish they... A virtual option do n't want the burden of having to offer food and drinks or otherwise entertain their.! Group as much as I genuinely appreciated our families, I also drained... Coo at the same time, shes totally worth it stays of one week to 10 days standard... S what you can say: & quot ; you & # x27 ; family! A protected period for forming a family unit needs of the best of motives you know it... It was the middle of the summer and not flu season & such little babies have to go to world! Not that I didnt think twice before telling them to come by needs! Thank you, and we ca n't believe you 're here helping to take of... Is acceptable or just plain rude household or include a few other loved ones bond! An easily distressed personality and create a society of self-concerned folks sure he... Mostly for no reason at all will cocoon the baby for at least half an hour after smoking but. ) is just as dangerous as first andsecond-handsmoke she likes to write articles.